You may lose rights that you never knew you had.

Obviously, if you are not paying an attorney – you will save money upfront. Even though people do go through simple divorces without an attorney, the chances of a divorce remaining simple is low. I often hear of people who represent themselves through the divorce process and I am not surprised to find out that they lost many rights that they would have kept had they hired a good family law attorney. There are numerous rights that most people are unaware that they have. Without an attorney advising them, those that self-represent as pro-se will remain in the dark, unaware about their rights when they could have, and should have, received a better settlement.

Going through the grieving process involved in divorce is not the best time to handle the most important issues of your life by yourself.

When we are emotionally invested with our own case, as the case often is when we represent ourselves, we allow our passion to blind our ability to reason.  The divorce process is an emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows that some describe as being more painful than the death of a loved one.  It would logically follow that we will experience the same stages of grief that we experience when a loved one dies.  Such emotional turmoil creates a passion in us that clouds our normal reasoning ability.  Thus, self-represented divorcees have a high likelihood of unreasonably focusing their attention on matters of slight, if any, significance.  This causes them to miss the forest for the trees and they end up becoming less likely to obtain the outcome they seek.  We often hear the old saying that “we are our own worst enemy.”  I believe that to be true when going through the divorce process and that is one of the reasons why I will hire an attorney to represent myself.  Good family law attorneys can see our cases from an objective and professional perspective.  Such a perspective allows them to avoid missing the forest for the trees, keeps their focus on the relevant issues that will help us and our cases, protects us from further emotional turmoil, and guards our rights through the process.

Avoid being the person who has a fool for a client and invest in your future.

Why is it said that he who represents himself has a fool for a client?  The self-represented pro-se divorcee is likely to lose much more money in the long run than they would have spent had they hired an attorney who can help them understand their rights and mediate, negotiate, or litigate to keep them.  The long term costs of the loss of rights affect our pocketbook, our children’s lives, and our own quality of life.  How much time would you like to have with your kids?  What will your parenting plan look like?  How will your assets be divided?  There is something to be said about letting your attorney work for you to advocate for your future.  We would not have to negotiate with our spouse or ex-spouse directly. This can protect us from a lot of the emotional costs involved in our divorce case.

The heavy costs of self representation through the divorce process.

At first glance, it may seem like a good idea to go through the divorce process on your own.  After all you can save upfront costs on attorney fees. However, your long term financial and emotional costs may outweigh your short term benefit.  Thus, if you would like to save yourself more money in the long run, be able to rest assured that your case is being handled professionally and that your rights are being watched out for, rather than attempting to deal with the complexities of the law while you are going through the grieving process, then I recommend hiring a good family law attorney to work for you through the divorce process.

Warm regards,

James P. McGarvey
Intermountain Legal, p.c.
(801) 784-8654
[email protected]

If you have children

Perhaps most importantly, divorce will change the lives of your children. A decree of divorce will contain specific orders governing the custody, care and support of your children, including a detailed schedule of when the children should reside with each parent. So when a marriage involves frequent conflict or physical or emotional abuse, the divorce will likely result in the children being happier, healthier and safer. In such cases, a parent-time schedule should be designed to ensure that the children spend the majority of their time in a safe, healthy and stable home environment.

Alternatively, when the children are equally bonded with both parents, parent-time schedules should be designed to allow the children to maintain an ongoing, meaningful relationship with both parents. However, no matter how well the parties work together, the children will experience significant change. They will be required to travel between parents and may be required to move to new neighborhoods, change schools, and adjust to new schedules and expectations.

Financial support

Your financial condition and stability will also be significantly impacted by divorce. The resources previously available to your household will be divided between two households. Before petitioning the court for a decree of divorce, you should prepare for the economic impact of divorce.

Regardless of how much time you are allowed with your children, you will be required to financially support your children. In Utah, both parents are required to provide support until each child turns 18 years of age and graduates from high school. In addition to child support, both parents are required to pay half the cost of their children’s child care and medical expenses, including medical insurance premiums.

You may also be required to pay spousal support (alimony) to assist the other party in paying his/her monthly expenses. Alimony is a significant issue in long term marriages, where one party historically provided income for the family and the other party worked within the home. In such cases, the court may attempt to equalize resources to ensure that both parties are able to maintain a similar standard of living. In short term marriages, alimony may be awarded on a temporary basis to return a spouse to the standard of living he/she enjoyed prior to the marriage.

Marital property

Utah law requires an equitable division of property. While the term “equitable” does not necessarily mean “equal,” it is common for the court to determine the value of all assets accrued during a marriage and divide that value equally between the two parties.

If you purchased a home during your marriage, one or both parties will lose their home and be forced to seek alternative housing. The court may order you to sell the home and divide the money from the sale equally. The court may also decide that one party should keep the home and pay to the other party his/her share of the value of the home.

If you have carefully contributed money to a retirement account, you will lose a portion of your future security to your spouse. As a general rule, anything paid into a retirement, pension or investment account by either party during the marriage relationship is divisible in divorce. Retirement plan administrators require a special order, called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order, to transfer retirement assets from one spouse to the other. After obtaining a decree of divorce, you or your spouse will incur additional attorney fees to draft the order releasing the retirement funds.

Personal property, including vehicles, jewelry, furniture and kitchenware, will also be divided. Once property is divided, you will be solely responsible for any loans or credit accounts associated with the property in your possession. You may incur significant expenses purchasing new furniture and appliances or taking sole responsibility for your vehicle loan or the credit card you used to purchase your new entertainment center.

Divorce Problems

As a divorce attorney, I work to obtain a decree of divorce that will minimize the financial impact to my clients and will allow them as much time as possible with their children. My goal is to ensure that my clients are in a position to move on from their divorce to the next phase of their life.

However, I am limited in how much I can do to help people recover after their separation. A decree of divorce does little to help clients or their children heal from the pain and loss of separation. Dealing with change can be difficult and can result in depression, anxiety and stress. After divorce, people may feel like they simply traded one set of problems for a painful new set of challenges.

Divorce does not end your relationship with your former spouse; it simply changes the nature of that relationship. In cases involving children or ongoing support payments, you will have to communicate and work with the other party for years after your divorce is final. A decree of divorce may limit your communication with your former spouse, but no court order can make your interactions with that person any easier or less painful. There is little a divorce attorney can do to ensure that your former spouse will treat you with kindness or respect, return your calls and emails or keep you apprised of your children’s daily activities. There is also no guarantee that the other party will abide by the decree of divorce. Often post-divorce litigation is necessary to force compliance with court orders.

After Divorce

Following divorce, you will need to understand that you cannot control the other person’s behavior. Rather, you can improve your own situation by treating your former spouse with civility, focusing on your children and embracing the opportunity to make positive changes.

Focusing on your children’s needs is of particular importance. Children often experience feelings of guilt and helplessness following the separation of their parents. Obtaining a decree of divorce can help create a set schedule and sense of stability. However, it may take several years for children to adapt to living in separate households. It is important for both parents to set aside their differences in communicating with the children. You should never ask your children to choose between parents, deliver messages to the other parent or discuss adult issues. It may be necessary to seek the advice and help of a mental health professional to help your children through the divorce process. This can also be helpful because divorce typically forces additional problems to the forefront. Whatever the situation, before deciding to get divorced, be realistic about what a divorce will and will not accomplish.

Don’t be fooled into thinking divorce is the solution to all your problems. But if your marriage is past the point of repair, it may be the only way to provide a better future for you and your children.

The rights and obligations of non-biological parental figures are far less clear.  As more states recognize same-sex marriage and domestic partnership, it is becoming increasingly important for states to clearly define parental relationships.  Courts have been presented with new legal issues relating to therelationships between biological parents and parental figures in child custody cases.

The Kansas Case

The state of Kansas recently sued a sperm donor for child support and hospital expenses for a child born to a same-sex couple.  The man answered a Craigslist ad for a sperm donor.  Prior to donating his sperm, the man signed an agreement severing his parental rights and obligations.  However, the procedure was done through an at-home insemination kit, rather than through a health care provider.  Under Kansas law, a sperm donor’s parental rights are severed only when the insemination procedure is performed through a licensed doctor.  The biological mother’s former partner, who has acted as a parent to the three year old child, has intervened in the child support case.  The state’s position may be at odds with a recent Kansas Supreme Court decision holding that the non-biological mother of children in a same-sex relationship can have the same parental rights as the biological mother.

The Florida Case

In another recent case, a Florida judge listed three individuals as parents on a child’s birth certificate.  After a same-sex couple made several unsuccessful and expensive attempts to become parents through fertility clinics, they asked a male friend to donate sperm for artificial insemination.  The parties did not enter into a written contract defining each person’s rights and responsibilities with regard to the child.  After the child was born, the man sought parental rights.  The parties settled the case after two years of litigation.  Pursuant to the parties’ agreement, all three parties were listed as parents on the child’s birth certificate.  The agreement was approved by the court as an adoption.  The biological mother retained sole custody, and the child was legally adopted by the biological mother’s same-sex partner.  The biological father’s parental rights were severed by the adoption, but he retained the right to visitation.

Utah Adoption Law

The Utah legislature has made it nearly impossible for two same-sex partners to be recognized as the legal parents of a child.  Utah does not recognize same-sex marriage or domestic partnership.  Surrogacy agreements are valid only if the intended parents are married.  If a married woman becomes pregnant through the assistance of a sperm donor, the woman’s husband has parental rights to the child.  However, no such right exists for a same-sex partner.   Utah law in fact prohibits the adoption of a child by a same-sex partner.  Only adults who are legally married or single adults who are not cohabitating are eligible to adopt.  However, as domestic laws continue to change throughout the nation, our courts will be required to tackle difficult new legal challenges.

Read more about the Kansas case at:

Yahoo News

San Francisco Chronicle

Huffington Post 

Read more about the Florida case at:

Reuters

Miami Herald

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